Fragments of Cassandra

I have waited in the quiet spaces of my life; told again and again, “just wait.” And I waited, offering my heart whole, even when it was met with less. I stayed when I should have left, because I saw the good hidden in others, hoping one day they’d see me, too.

But each delay chipped away at my worth, leaving me numb, wondering if my heart’s compass is broken. I always choose first, and in the waiting, I feel unchosen.

Yet, I know this about me: when I find a true connection, I love with everything I have. I will not build walls or change my open heart. Even if it means I wait longer, I will stay me.

And there are voices…kind ones, who tell me to keep my heart as it is. They remind me that my softness is rare, and not to lose it. Yet in the quiet moments, I wonder; if I had a little less softness, would I wait less?

But for now, I carry both: the praise and the doubt, the softness and the question of how long I wait.

And in the end, I ask: when will I finally choose myself first?

Be’ahava,
Cassandra